Good morning, friends. My name is cakeytaste. Yeah, all lowercase - that's how you know I'm part of the internet age. Today will bring you not only the second-to-last shopping day before Christmas, but also Loading Reality's first ever "Stream of Cakeyness."

"But good sir, what ever is a 'Stream of Cakeyness,' you ask.

"Why it's a play on words, friend. You see, a stream of consciousness is a narrative mode that seeks to portray an individual's point of view by giving the written equivalent of the character's thought processess. At least that's what Dr. Wik E. Pedia says."

"Oh," you reply.

"Oh indeed! Here's how I will venture to use this literary format in relation to video games: I will record my thoughts as I play through demos, betas, and full games, whether by audio device or text. After recording such thoughts, I will put them to paper and publish them for others' amusement."

"Oh," you reply.

"Oh indeed! Let's try it out! Here's the first attempt, ever: Divinity 2."

---

Divinity 2 is an RPG being developed by Larian Studios and published in the U.S. by cdv Software. It takes place in Rivellon, a magical and timeless world populated by humans and fantasic creatures. You are a Dragon Slayer, a hunter who travels the countryside, determined to rid the lands of dragons. Divinity 2 launched a demo on Xbox LIVE Marketplace.

This is part 1 of 2, with the second installment to follow tomorrow.

(adult language contained)

---

cutscene opening - here we go.

that dude is wicked bald

I BET THAT PENDANT IS MAGIC!

glowy eyes...

character creation allows for no customization at all - just name change. it is unlocked w/ purchase

honour vs. honor... this game is made by nazis!

sketchy character models and animations

I KICKED A RABBIT

i kicked another rabbit.

i kicked a chicken.

these people in town are all assholes - why won't they talk to me? morgana can't be that important.

oh look it's some lady talking to herself, that must be morgana.

I WANT TO SLAY DRAGONS, BUT TO SLAY THEM IS TO HATE THEM, BUT TO HATE THEM IS TO KNOW THEM et cetera

i will attain silvery eyes that allow me to become haley joel osmen. neat.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAA MY CHARACTER LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE FRODO BAGGINS FROM SIN CITY

hehe, this chick isn't wooed by my advances

OH SHIT i get too learn to be criss angel and mindfreak people with my silvery eyes

warrior, ranger and wizard are the 3 classes, it seems. you can actually change classes again and again and again by havin' one of the old dudes cast a relearning spell on you - interesting. and dumb.

OKAY FINE RANGER IT IS, LEAVE ME BE WOMAN

i killed some goblins and am officially l337.

there's no time for me to finish the ritual, but that runs the risk of going "dragon mad"

we're in a flying zeppelin

SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BECOME A DRAGON OR SOMETHING

she's hot.

well, shooting the city guards with my poison arrows seems to have no effect, they must be eunuchs.

THIS GAME IS SO FUCKING CHOPPY

YOU ARE KIDDING ME, WE ARE IN MEDIEVAL FUCKING TIMES AND THERE IS A TALKING SECURITY SYSTEM BUILT INTO THIS APPLE CART!?

i just robbed the church.

OH MY GOD IF ANYONE EVER PLAYS THIS GAME, BREAK A FUCKING CRATE - it is reminiscient of like fucking SNES it's soooooo bad. so bad.

this demo sucks.

piggy, oh piggy,
your sausages would be the best,
oh piggy, oh piggy,
you truly are so blessed,
i watch you graze
i feel amazed
your rosy cheeks
your pointy teats
oh piggy, you are so sweet.

teats.

i'm spending all my xp mindreading the women of this town and i can't get one to fuck me.

there once was a girl named sally, who ran business from an alley...
always snappy, her clients were happy, until she presented the tally.

see that's a rhyme about a whore.

lol. this dude's melee kick is the gayest roundhouse in history. it looks like chuck norris went and got possessed by a paris hilton ghost.

linda is bangin'

SHE LOST HER COIN PURSE IN THE CHAPEL - i'm gonna go get that

oh hey a talking tree. it's an alchemist tree. yeah. that's right: an tree that practices alchemy.

argh, soooo bored.

i seem to be stealing everything i see and breaking every box and barrel in the world with very little to show for it other than the lady-like jumpkick.

side quests galore.... wow.

AHAHAHA this married chick was gettin' on with the blacksmith and i totally outed her to her farmer-ass husband. he kicked her off his land and gave me her birthday present. maybe this game is awesome.

oh wait nvm, this game is still ugly as sin and amazingly buggy.

TIME FOR SLEEP! PART TWO, TOMORROW!

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